fuckitybye: (Default)
I'm off saving the fucking planet; what the fuck are you doing? Leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I'm crying tears of boredom.

Click here to send me a private message if you haven't got the fucking bollocks to post it here. Afraid your mummy's going to see it, are you?

(Comments screened, anon commenting is off.)
fuckitybye: (stereo bollocking)
Got a tip for Malcolm's newsletter? Leave it here.

(Read about the newsletter premise here.)
fuckitybye: (self raising lazarus)
Claire, you all right?

Listen, I want to work out some shit here, and I feel like a right fucking arsehole trying to say it, so I'm going to write it down. behind a cut, for language and length )

[And Malcolm Tucker disappears. The entry is left public because he carelessly forgot to set his filter before he started writing. Anyone who comes to his room will find it empty. Feel free to spam it up in here.]
fuckitybye: (incoherent fucking scream of rage)
[Forward-dated to sometime around midnight on Musical Flood Day 1. It's been a long and humiliating day for Malcolm Tucker and he's cranky, and hanging out up on deck alone. Or so he thinks. And before long, a voice rises in song...]
It's kind of like Susan Boyle, only really not. )
[Anyone up on deck or in the gardens or whatever? You totally heard him, whether he knows it or not. Get 'im.]

027

Aug. 21st, 2010 10:32 pm
fuckitybye: (blistering contempt)
Right. I'm going after Claire. And you sadistic Jigsaw cunts who've got her, if you misplace one fucking hair on her head, if it gets so much as a fucking split end, I'm gonna use your lights to decorate my fucking Christmas tree, you got it?

026

Jul. 28th, 2010 09:49 am
fuckitybye: (fffffffffffuuuuu--)
[Anyone on either side of Malcolm's room (level 7, room 5) will have heard him crashing about in confusion—door opening and shutting a few times, occasional expletives as he goes back through the archives and discovers how much time he's lost, etc. Then he posts the following text entry.]

How the fuck is a man supposed to know what's going on and make any fucking progress when he keeps involuntarily fucking disappearing like a fucking B-movie plot device?

[Private to Claire]
Back like a fucking bad penny or something. How you been, love?

[Private to Damon]
The fuck? Last time we talked you were saying you didn't know anything about Rex getting his arse killed, and now you're confessing?

What the fuck else is going on here anyway?
fuckitybye: (Vipera berus)
[Malcolm was en route from the men's bathroom to his room when the flood hit. Now there's a really grumpy (handsomely salt-and-pepper patterned) common European adder (Vipera berus) slithering along the halls. To humans it will sound like he's hissing a lot, but any animals will hear a first-class Malciavellian stream of profanities. Open spam; harass him at will! His eventual destination is the kitchen. Also, I know I owe scheming tags to a bunch of folks; sorry for my fail! I will get to them as soon as I can, promise.]

022

Jun. 21st, 2010 10:16 am
fuckitybye: (fucking gobsmacked)
[Malcolm's been awake for the last few hours and doing nothing but reading through all the postings he's missed while in his hiatus coma. Colour him gobsmacked.]

Right.

So, this sort of thing happen often around here? Go for a quick lie-down and wake up a fucking week later?

...

Glad to see you fucks made it back from the Bank Holiday of the Living Dead, anyhow. Really fucking glad I missed out on it too

ADDED LATER: Private to the Baroness )


[OOC: And with this, I am officially back from hiatus. Hello to all the new folks who arrived while I was away!]
fuckitybye: (fuckin' thinker)
[Audio. Malcolm's Glaswegian accent has thickened considerably.]

Language cut. )

[Click. Audio off. He'll respond to anyone who feels like hassling him via journal, but some time later, anyone wandering up on deck will find Malcolm standing at the railing staring morosely off into the distance. In his left hand he clutches his useless Blackberry and this photograph. Feel free to come spam Malcolm and, if you dare, ask him about the photograph. Also, sorry for spamming with Malc posts this morning. Done now.]

020

Jun. 8th, 2010 10:33 am
fuckitybye: (malcolm tucker is watching you)
Text: Private to Sylar )


Video: Inmate filter. Malcolm has a cunning plan! )


[OOC: So yeah. Those of you who were here for the Masterworld port may recall Malcolm's Daily Briefings. I'm not insane enough to want to do daily briefings forever, but I kind of miss writing those, and I'm quite serious about Malcolm doing a weekly or biweekly newsletter for the inmates. It will make him happier, give him something to do besides swear at the Kitchen Nightmares crew, and (hopefully!) provide him with a zillion opportunities to blackmail or double-cross people. He's got a tipster box here for people to drop news items in, so that you don't have to make a post every time you have an item for him to publish (and there'll be a link to the tipster box in every newsletter). Feel free to be suspicious of his motives, etc., but I'd really like him to have informants and allies! And in case you're wondering: yes, he is planning a double game and will eventually be approaching the wardens with a similar offer.]

019

Jun. 1st, 2010 01:57 pm
fuckitybye: (malcolm tucker is watching you)
[Private to Tim Drake]
Tim Drake? Got a moment?

Don't think we've met. The name's Malcolm Tucker. Former Director of Communications to the Prime Minister of the UK, now inmate aboard fucking Red Dwarf here.

Got a question for you about your lad Sylar.
fuckitybye: (no you fucking can't)
Okay, any of you fucking party-crashers know who won the 2010 general election in the UK?

[OOC: Feel free to fourth-wall the crap out of him. He's overdue for figuring out that Tom Davis is the fictional inhabitant of Downing Street, not Gordon Brown or Blair.]

017

May. 7th, 2010 01:04 pm
fuckitybye: (oh for fuck's sake)
[Filtered to the infirmary staff + Claire, Paddy, Rube, Parker (i.e. the people he sort of almost trusts).]

Is there anything at all in the fucking infirmary for a migraine? I feel like sodding Riverdance is stamping and kicking its Hibernian way through my fucking skull.

[OOC: What's this about? Well, perhaps the current general election in the UK (and the corresponding one in his native canon, which will no doubt be closely based on the one in the real world) is sending some kind of psychic fallout across the multiverse, and it's giving Malcolm a big headache. Unless a current copy of the Guardian somehow appears in the library, there's no way he can know about either the real election or the TTOI one, but it seemed only fitting that he react somehow. Infirmary staff, feel free to use this to bully Malcolm into coming in for a checkup.]

015

May. 2nd, 2010 10:16 am
fuckitybye: (oh for fuck's sake)
Youth fucking wasted on the young my fucking arse.

[Private to Claire]
Did I fucking hear right? About the warden thing?

014

Apr. 21st, 2010 12:25 pm
fuckitybye: (what the fuck)
[Malc needed someone to terrorise and so he went off in search of Columbus, only to discover he's nowhere to be found.]

So has Christopher Robin fucked back off to the fucking Hundred Acre Wood, then?

Not even two months and one fucking warden already gone. This is better than my first two months in Whitehall.
fuckitybye: (oh for fuck's sake)
[The camera clicks on revealing Malcolm, no longer bespectacled and looking absolutely fucking awful, like he just spent the whole night pacing and cursing in his cabin. Which he did. He starts to say something, then scrubs his hands over his face.]

Fucking fuck it.

[And he reaches out and slaps the camera off. If anyone responds, his responses will be in text only.]

[OOC: Malcolm's Masterworld Daily Briefings? Are all publicly visible to anyone who feels like backtracking in his public journal entries. He doesn't know it yet.]
fuckitybye: (masterworld - worried)
[Malcolm is doing this one audio-only, while he's running around the Ministry of Propaganda like someone set him on fire. Anyone watching will see only the Masterworld Channel test card.]

—the fuck do you mean the best HD camera's on the fritz? )

[OOC: THE LAST ONE. Or is it...?]

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