001 - Voice

[fuckitybye]

[Prior to this, anyone near Malcom's room (level 7, room 5) will have heard him banging about in confusion for a bit; as his cabin looks like his office at No. 10, that's where he thinks he is. Then, in an attempt to page his assistant, he accidentally turns on the voice posting device and a loud Scottish voice is heard:]

—Sam? SAM? The fuck is up with putting a bed in here? This some kind of fucking joke? I can ream out that twat Nicholson just fine with him bent over my fucking desk, aye?

[Pause.]

Sam?

Oh, for fuck's sake—

[Sound of door opening. Long, stunned silence.]

What the fuck?

Comments

given that howie lives two doors down and hey. scottish. voice reply

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

...Everything alright?


[Pause, as he realises this is pointless and he ought to explain. He's polite after all.]

I know it's confusing when you first get here, but there's no reason for that language. I don't think you're where you think you are, and I ought to break it to you straight. You've quite probably died, and are probably an inmate - on what can sort of be described as an interdimensional prison ship, but it really isn't conventional in most senses. I would explain more, but that's weird enough, I'm sure.

I also think you're down the corridor from me, as I'm fairly sure I heard most of that twice.

1/2

[fuckitybye]

 

2/2

[fuckitybye]

For the purposes of argument, I'm gonna bloody well assume that you're telling me the truth and that fucking Jamie hasn't put you up to this or some shit, and begging your pardon but I DO THINK being DEAD on a fucking "interdimensional prison ship" is a good fucking reason for ANY language.

Jesus Christ.

[Sound of Malcolm flumping into a chair.]

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I'll give you that it's one of the best reasons, yes. I swear, it's the truth, and I can explain further if you want, but don't expect me to be too nice about it if you keep throwing language like that around.

What's your name, anyway? I'd ask where you're from, but it's pretty obvious. What year is it for you?

[Private] Scottish conspiring.

[beam-me.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be his friend, Howie!

[Private] Scottish conspiring.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

We don't have to be his friend. He's certainly far too much on the crude end of things for my liking, but it's polite enough not to leave the guy confused.

time to meet her new neighbour! :/

[naughtbutlife.livejournal.com]

[Sticks her head out her door. Coughs. This-is-kinda-really-awkward.]

Is...ah...are you...all-right?

[fuckitybye]

[Sticks his own head out and looks her up and down.]

What is this, a fucking BBC costume drama?

[naughtbutlife.livejournal.com]

A what?

[Looks down at her dress, then back up at him. Then stares.]

You look familiar...

[toldastory]

I'm thinking you're a new inmate. Welcome to the Barge. I see Howie's given ya a bit of an explanation. I'm Martha Jones, a warden here and a doctor in the infirmary.

[fuckitybye]

Well, Martha J—

[Pause]

What, everyone heard all that?

Voice.

[toldastory]

Yeah, conversations are open unless they're marked private. Sorry about that.

[subtlescience]

It's always such a delight to meet new people and discover their darker predilections all in the span of five minutes.

[fuckitybye]

Well, y'see, chum, that was what they call an exaggeration for fucking dramatic effect. Containing language of a violent and sexual nature which may offend.

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

Well. That's an image.

Welcome to the Barge, and...well done on not immediately insisting this is all a terrible dream.

[fuckitybye]

Jesus, no one's going to let me forget about that, are they?

Don't think I'm not fucking hoping I'll wake up in A&E after all.

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, most of us understand hyperbole. Some of us are even impervious to the language.

Some Inmates seem to come here from near-death experiences, so it's not completely unthinkable, but I wouldn't rely on it as a way out. Time passes differently between the Barge and your home world, so even if you come around in an ambulance ten minutes after 'dying' you still might be looking at weeks, months or years on the Barge. Sorry.

[Voice] (lol late comment is late ;_; backdate funs? )

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

I beg your pardon? Is everything all right?

Re: [Voice] (lol late comment is late ;_; backdate funs? )

[fuckitybye]

Do I fucking sound like I'm all right?

...who's this, then, Tristan Farnon?

[Voice] (LJ is a craven douche)

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

Tris- I'm sorry, who?

[acid_rayne]

I think you just gave the Marquis at least five days' worth of new writing material, there...

[fuckitybye]

[Sigh.]

I don't even have the fucking energy to ask people to leave off now.

[fullmetalcorset.livejournal.com]

I trust this has taught you a valuable lesson.

[fuckitybye]

Yeah, it's taught me to keep my mouth shut around nosey twats who can't take a fucking joke.

[fullmetalcorset.livejournal.com]

And exactly how should such an outburst be taken?

'Up the arse' isn't a valid response.