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fuckitybye[Yes, it's that time again, government officials and propaganda employees. By the way, Malcolm's briefings are eminently leakable. If, say, you were a disgruntled propaganda officeworker or a secret dissident somewhere in the Master's power structure Judas.]
Well, my little shitbirds, we have a new and interesting problem to counter this morning. Seems that there's some rumours circulating in our fine armed forces, and we need to fucking stop them two days ago.
Now, I'm gonna tell you what the rumour is, but let's fucking underline the fact that this wad of fuck is exactly fucking that: a rumour. Some shitheels are claiming that the army won't be paid for the upcoming assault on the Barge, and what's more, that we've skimped on the body armour.
You know and I know that this is not fucking true, but the grunts on the ground will apparently believe that shit is chocolate. So we need two things. One: overt messaging in the general populace from print and social networking that that the government always fucking supports the troops, and so do the rest of the citizens of this fine world, yeah? And two: covert messaging to spread through the rumour mill. New body armour technology in research, forthcoming announcements of new weapons—what the fuck ever, just ensure that it's a. plausible and b. unprovable. You know the drill, lads and lasses, we've fucking done this a million times before.
Meanwhile, keep that Friends and Family campaign running like a fucking doped-up racehorse. In addition to the Doctor, add to the list ... [he glances down at Martha's surveillance bulletin] Morgan Adams, Findthee Swing, 11-12, and 47. Descriptions and additional information to follow.
Keep up the good work, kids. Tucker out.
ETA: [Special Delivery to the Master.]
Well, my little shitbirds, we have a new and interesting problem to counter this morning. Seems that there's some rumours circulating in our fine armed forces, and we need to fucking stop them two days ago.
Now, I'm gonna tell you what the rumour is, but let's fucking underline the fact that this wad of fuck is exactly fucking that: a rumour. Some shitheels are claiming that the army won't be paid for the upcoming assault on the Barge, and what's more, that we've skimped on the body armour.
You know and I know that this is not fucking true, but the grunts on the ground will apparently believe that shit is chocolate. So we need two things. One: overt messaging in the general populace from print and social networking that that the government always fucking supports the troops, and so do the rest of the citizens of this fine world, yeah? And two: covert messaging to spread through the rumour mill. New body armour technology in research, forthcoming announcements of new weapons—what the fuck ever, just ensure that it's a. plausible and b. unprovable. You know the drill, lads and lasses, we've fucking done this a million times before.
Meanwhile, keep that Friends and Family campaign running like a fucking doped-up racehorse. In addition to the Doctor, add to the list ... [he glances down at Martha's surveillance bulletin] Morgan Adams, Findthee Swing, 11-12, and 47. Descriptions and additional information to follow.
Keep up the good work, kids. Tucker out.
ETA: [Special Delivery to the Master.]
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:11 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
As a matter of fact, Glen is on his way over with the expense reports in about half an hour.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:13 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Did you
bujetbudjetbudget this month? We don't have much extra to hand out.no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:23 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Yes. As you'll see, Social Networking needs a new server. One's about to fall over and start having fucking epileptic fits. They can run on an auxiliary for a while, but not for long.
[Attached: Ministry of Propaganda budget. It runs seventy small-type pages.]
Why small type Malcolm? You make Judas have to pull out his reading glasses. :/
Date: 2010-04-13 07:41 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
This is impossible. We can't do this and manage to feed everyone.
Because he's a dick like that.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:05 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Can't you make some cuts in the fucking food budget for the prisons or something? I mean, we can cut back Section D, lines 220-300 and make everyone stop stealing pencils, but that's about it.
You're getting more memos in Hebrew just for the hell of it, Malc.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:15 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
How long can you survive without a new server? An
exaktexact time frame.He'll just keep forwarding them upstream.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:19 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
According to Olly, four weeks on the outside.
Normally, you know, I'd not make such a fucking fuss, but social networking's been the most effective branch of Propaganda for two months running. I'd hate to see their work impaired.
Niiice.
Date: 2010-04-13 11:37 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
I know. I know. We'll scrounge what we can. Any money you can save anywhere else needs to be saved.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-14 04:23 am (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Expect a revised budget tomorrow.
[At a ridiculous hour of the morning]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:07 am (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
I've just finished looking over your expense report, you need to find 7% extra somewhere if you want that server. That doesn't involve killing anyone to free up salary.
[Minutes later. Guess who doesn't sleep?]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:21 am (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
If we furlough the entire cold-calling department, that'll free up fifteen fucking percent.
[Neither of them! Also, a few minutes later.]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:33 am (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
We can't put that many out of employment.How many people is that?[Lag because Malcolm had to yell at some more people.]
Date: 2010-04-14 12:36 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Ten. Mind you, that's down from twenty at this time last year. Lot of what they did has been taken over by social networking.
[Lag because he fell asleep at his desk]
Date: 2010-04-14 01:08 pm (UTC)From: Judas
Body:
Do we have anywhere else to put them? I have no room in finance for anyone.
[Then again, Judas was incredibly reluctant to fire anyone.]
[Within thirty seconds of receipt; Malc's on Coffee Number Who Knows]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:24 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
There's always sanitation. They always need more bodies.
[Judas is just deciding to go to sleep.]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:44 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Go to sleep, Minister. We will figure this out tomorrow.
[Malcolm is about to go yell at someone else! 8D]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:45 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Just as you say. Sweet dreams, chum.