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fuckitybye[Yes, it's that time again, government officials and propaganda employees. By the way, Malcolm's briefings are eminently leakable. If, say, you were a disgruntled propaganda officeworker or a secret dissident somewhere in the Master's power structure Judas.]
Well, my little shitbirds, we have a new and interesting problem to counter this morning. Seems that there's some rumours circulating in our fine armed forces, and we need to fucking stop them two days ago.
Now, I'm gonna tell you what the rumour is, but let's fucking underline the fact that this wad of fuck is exactly fucking that: a rumour. Some shitheels are claiming that the army won't be paid for the upcoming assault on the Barge, and what's more, that we've skimped on the body armour.
You know and I know that this is not fucking true, but the grunts on the ground will apparently believe that shit is chocolate. So we need two things. One: overt messaging in the general populace from print and social networking that that the government always fucking supports the troops, and so do the rest of the citizens of this fine world, yeah? And two: covert messaging to spread through the rumour mill. New body armour technology in research, forthcoming announcements of new weapons—what the fuck ever, just ensure that it's a. plausible and b. unprovable. You know the drill, lads and lasses, we've fucking done this a million times before.
Meanwhile, keep that Friends and Family campaign running like a fucking doped-up racehorse. In addition to the Doctor, add to the list ... [he glances down at Martha's surveillance bulletin] Morgan Adams, Findthee Swing, 11-12, and 47. Descriptions and additional information to follow.
Keep up the good work, kids. Tucker out.
ETA: [Special Delivery to the Master.]
Well, my little shitbirds, we have a new and interesting problem to counter this morning. Seems that there's some rumours circulating in our fine armed forces, and we need to fucking stop them two days ago.
Now, I'm gonna tell you what the rumour is, but let's fucking underline the fact that this wad of fuck is exactly fucking that: a rumour. Some shitheels are claiming that the army won't be paid for the upcoming assault on the Barge, and what's more, that we've skimped on the body armour.
You know and I know that this is not fucking true, but the grunts on the ground will apparently believe that shit is chocolate. So we need two things. One: overt messaging in the general populace from print and social networking that that the government always fucking supports the troops, and so do the rest of the citizens of this fine world, yeah? And two: covert messaging to spread through the rumour mill. New body armour technology in research, forthcoming announcements of new weapons—what the fuck ever, just ensure that it's a. plausible and b. unprovable. You know the drill, lads and lasses, we've fucking done this a million times before.
Meanwhile, keep that Friends and Family campaign running like a fucking doped-up racehorse. In addition to the Doctor, add to the list ... [he glances down at Martha's surveillance bulletin] Morgan Adams, Findthee Swing, 11-12, and 47. Descriptions and additional information to follow.
Keep up the good work, kids. Tucker out.
ETA: [Special Delivery to the Master.]
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Paperwork delivered to Malcom's office
Date: 2010-04-13 03:15 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Subject: Paperwork
Body:
[All in Hebrew: Do my bidding, you dog. The play is going on, I don't need permission from anyone. The arts are an expression of freedom in its purest sense and should never be censored.]
Overheard in the Ministry of Propaganda
Date: 2010-04-13 04:58 pm (UTC)Fucking impertinent illiterate insubordinate little—
[And not long after, a flunky is dispatched, hand-delivering this to the Master's flunkies. A note is attached: "How long you planning to let your little friend get away with this shite? -M.T."]
Printed on a nice sheet of paper, NOTHING TO IDENTIFY THE SENDER but Malc should know:
Date: 2010-04-13 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-14 04:24 am (UTC)memo from Hicks. Possibly spotted in blood and coffee stains.
Date: 2010-04-13 04:35 pm (UTC)From: Doctor John Hicks (Goon Captain #453)
Subject: bloodsucking wankers, and no, I'm not redacting or censoring that.
I do not suppose it is possible to have some information distributed on the danger of our blood-sucking friends - I am worried how many of them might have connections with the resistance
and Damon's annoying the hell out of me, and they're clearly a risk to the population at large.Just a thought.
You know, a tiny thought, involving people eating blood instead of food and attempting to attack government officials.
I'm sure there's something somewhere about having external and internal enemies to keep stability - and these guys are easy to spot and easy to pick on.
Think about it.
Memo from Malcolm. Immaculate. Possibly vacuum-sealed in plastic.
Date: 2010-04-13 04:54 pm (UTC)From: Minister Malcolm Tucker
Subject: RE: bloodsucking wankers, and no, I'm not redacting or censoring that.
That's a very fucking cogent suggestion, Doctor, and it will be given all due consideration. Appreciate it very much.
[Meaning: Malcolm plans to use it and will never, ever give Hicks any credit.]
2nd piece of paperwork delivered. Because he's being particularly twatish
Date: 2010-04-13 05:37 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Did you receive my permissions form?
FU JUDAS
Date: 2010-04-13 06:08 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Yes.
LOL
Date: 2010-04-13 06:09 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Good. I assume everything is ironed out then.
thinks: something is gonna be fucking "ironed", all right.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:11 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Ironed out? Oh, I reckon so.
Judas is just so amused.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:37 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
I expect to see you at the play on Saturday.
Malc is totally plotting his downfall.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:38 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Wouldn't miss it for the fucking world.
Oblivious Judas is unfortunately oblivious. And is also not so good at English.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:41 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
It's an extrordinary play.
Probably just as well there's not actually enough time for Malc's plot to succeed.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:42 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Should bloody well hope so, given the papers you filed.
True.
Date: 2010-04-13 06:44 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
The General's learned Hebrew, so should you.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 06:45 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Someday when I have the time to learn a fucking alphabet that looks like a bloody housewife's tablecloth border, I'll get to it.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 06:46 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Are you sujesting the General isn't busy?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 06:49 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Don't you fucking go reading things where they aren't fucking meant.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 06:51 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Excuse me, Minister? Remember your place.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 06:52 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Beg your pardon, sir. No
fuckingoffence intended.no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:01 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Good. While I have you, we need some announcements made regarding the farming project we should be beginning in a few days. You should come out with me to sow the first seed.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:02 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Date, time? Photo opportunity? Invite the tame press corps?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:05 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
An inter-office announcement should be made so as many of us can appear, but the aktual event would be next week.
And yes, invite the press.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:06 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Fucking hell, you ever going to learn to spell correcI'll include it in the briefing tomorrow.no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:09 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Good. Thank you. And I need your expense reports by tomorow. Unless you want to do it yourself.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:11 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
As a matter of fact, Glen is on his way over with the expense reports in about half an hour.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:13 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Did you
bujetbudjetbudget this month? We don't have much extra to hand out.no subject
Date: 2010-04-13 07:23 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Yes. As you'll see, Social Networking needs a new server. One's about to fall over and start having fucking epileptic fits. They can run on an auxiliary for a while, but not for long.
[Attached: Ministry of Propaganda budget. It runs seventy small-type pages.]
Why small type Malcolm? You make Judas have to pull out his reading glasses. :/
Date: 2010-04-13 07:41 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
This is impossible. We can't do this and manage to feed everyone.
Because he's a dick like that.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:05 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Can't you make some cuts in the fucking food budget for the prisons or something? I mean, we can cut back Section D, lines 220-300 and make everyone stop stealing pencils, but that's about it.
You're getting more memos in Hebrew just for the hell of it, Malc.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:15 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
How long can you survive without a new server? An
exaktexact time frame.He'll just keep forwarding them upstream.
Date: 2010-04-13 08:19 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
According to Olly, four weeks on the outside.
Normally, you know, I'd not make such a fucking fuss, but social networking's been the most effective branch of Propaganda for two months running. I'd hate to see their work impaired.
Niiice.
Date: 2010-04-13 11:37 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
I know. I know. We'll scrounge what we can. Any money you can save anywhere else needs to be saved.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-14 04:23 am (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Expect a revised budget tomorrow.
[At a ridiculous hour of the morning]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:07 am (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
I've just finished looking over your expense report, you need to find 7% extra somewhere if you want that server. That doesn't involve killing anyone to free up salary.
[Minutes later. Guess who doesn't sleep?]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:21 am (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
If we furlough the entire cold-calling department, that'll free up fifteen fucking percent.
[Neither of them! Also, a few minutes later.]
Date: 2010-04-14 05:33 am (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
We can't put that many out of employment.How many people is that?[Lag because Malcolm had to yell at some more people.]
Date: 2010-04-14 12:36 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Ten. Mind you, that's down from twenty at this time last year. Lot of what they did has been taken over by social networking.
[Lag because he fell asleep at his desk]
Date: 2010-04-14 01:08 pm (UTC)From: Judas
Body:
Do we have anywhere else to put them? I have no room in finance for anyone.
[Then again, Judas was incredibly reluctant to fire anyone.]
[Within thirty seconds of receipt; Malc's on Coffee Number Who Knows]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:24 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
There's always sanitation. They always need more bodies.
[Judas is just deciding to go to sleep.]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:44 pm (UTC)From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Body:
Go to sleep, Minister. We will figure this out tomorrow.
[Malcolm is about to go yell at someone else! 8D]
Date: 2010-04-14 02:45 pm (UTC)From: Minister Tucker
Body:
Just as you say. Sweet dreams, chum.