004

[fuckitybye]

[OOC: At some point during his video conference with Columbus and Claire, Malcolm is bound to discover that someone has been fucking fudging around with his laptop. So...happy April Fool's day, folks. ETA: Also, will provide on request the exact list of what the swearword substitutions are. Some are obvious. Some took a bit more creativity.]

All right, you smug fudging people. If I ever, EVER get my hands on the fiddling bottomhole quaint who fudging hacked my fudging laptop, I am going to make a fudging NECKLACE out of your fingers, you got that?

No fudging respect for other people's property, Christmas. What the heck is this crud?

Fudge it all. I'm done. You twits are getting nothing out of me for the rest of the fudging day.

[That's not true. Malcolm can't help himself and will respond when poked. He's just sulking now.]

Comments

[fuckitybye]

Yeah, I'd be practically fudging mute.

...Gosh darn it, this sugar is driving me mental.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Anglo-saxonisms to one fucking side, mate, I've got Freddie-fucking-Mercury living at the end of my fucking sentences like I can't live with it, I'm gonna die without it.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, now you got a hold on me, you hijacked my heart. [He's tried to strike this out several times. It kept coming back.]

[fuckitybye]

[Malcolm's about to die laughing. Paddy's just improved his day SO MUCH.]

Oh, well-played, mate. I didn't know you cared.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly sure that if you say anything with enough vehemence, it'd still work.

Which I guess is what I'm going to get if I suggest you learn something from this?

[fuckitybye]

What I've learned is to change the password on this piece of ess-star-star-tee that is my laptop.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Christ on a fucking bike, I don't, it's just this fucking thing - it's a kinda magic.

and no fucking mortal man can win this day. Dammit, Noel, I hate you and that damn Queen obsession of yours, I shouldn't know the next line to that, and I can't face this life alone.

Save Me? Fucking Save Me? It's not allowed to be appropriate, maybe there's been some mistake.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

Well, that'd be sensible.

This is possibly an advantage to being several decades behind the general level of technology here.

it's time to SMUG

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Problems?

LOL. Kirk is dying of laughter

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

[fuckitybye]

Yeah, well, you're not going to get some fiddler hacking pen and paper, that's true.

[fuckitybye]

There's no shame in expressing what you really are, Paddy. It's the twenty-first fudging effing century and all.

[fuckitybye]

Yeah, blooming problems. Some bottomhole fiddling around with my laptop sorts of problems.

D: Trying not to laugh.

[gutsofaguppy.livejournal.com]

Who did this?

[fuckitybye]

If I fudging knew, the fudger'd be hanging off the starboard bow by his toes now, wouldn't he?

[gutsofaguppy.livejournal.com]

Oh, good point.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

For fuck's sake, I'm NOT GAY, that's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy.

Fuck, that's more effective without the Queen lyrics and with a shotgun, because this hitman can cut you down to size.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

At least it's just a joke?

[fuckitybye]

Oh, aye. Could've been blooming worse and all. Still, I don't much care for the idea that some guy can hack my things, you know?

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

No, me neither. Don't you work in the government? Surely you must be pretty good at keeping things safe on there?

[fuckitybye]

Ooh, that supposed to be a blooming threat then, eh?

[fuckitybye]

Don't get me fudging started on information security in Whitehall. These fiddlers I work with lost seven months of snotting immigration statistics once.

I feel like my effing IT fiddler followed me here.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

It's a fucking Queen lyric threat, don't think I'm on the loose and looking for trouble.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

This is a really disconcerting thing to learn about the people you work for. Even in an indirect sense.

[fuckitybye]

You know the saying about goverment being like effing sausage-making? Well, the last couple years have been a lot of ess-star-star-tee sausages.

[Yes, this is Malcolm trying to find ways around the hack filter. And sort of succeeding.]

[fuckitybye]

Keep up all the suggestions and I reckon trouble could come looking for you.