024 - snakey spam

[fuckitybye]

[Malcolm was en route from the men's bathroom to his room when the flood hit. Now there's a really grumpy (handsomely salt-and-pepper patterned) common European adder (Vipera berus) slithering along the halls. To humans it will sound like he's hissing a lot, but any animals will hear a first-class Malciavellian stream of profanities. Open spam; harass him at will! His eventual destination is the kitchen. Also, I know I owe scheming tags to a bunch of folks; sorry for my fail! I will get to them as soon as I can, promise.]

Comments

[requiresssacrifice]

[SCURRY SCURRY SCURRY. He's off doing, hell, mongoose things. Just scampering around the halls, although, he'd never call it scampering, himself. At the sight of the snake he stops abruptly and just stares.]

[fuckitybye]

[Malc pulls up short and draws into defensive pose.]

Ssssssssssss?

[If Rex understands snake/universal animal lingo, it's "And who the fuck are you, Reepicheep?"]

[requiresssacrifice]

[HE DOES INDEED HAVE ANIMAL BABELFISH.]

I should ask you the same question.

[Which, to everybody else, just sounds like a series of chirps and squeaks. He's sort of fixated by the snake right now, as his mongoose instincts are going "KILL KILLLL" and his Cobra Commander instincts are going "ADMIRE IT, YOU FOOL!"]

[fuckitybye]

[He's not letting his guard down for a second. Because: FUCKING MONGOOSE.]

Malcolm Tucker.

[requiresssacrifice]

Rex Lewis.

[AKA COBRA COMMANDER, is what he wants to add, just to highlight how utterly unfair this is, but he wisely chooses not to. He skitters forward a little, STILL STARING.]

The common European viper. Typically... timid, non-aggressive. Though painful, the bite is rarely lethal. Not at all like the cobra...

[Yes, the mongoose is starting to speechify about snakes.]

[fuckitybye]

[Probably just as well snakes can't actually roll their eyes. Anyway, knowing that the mongoose is Rex makes things interesting, given Malcolm's business with Ana and so forth. He decides to force himself to be polite.]

Yeah, very nice. Gotta say I don't feel very fucking timid.

[requiresssacrifice]

Well, you aren't exactly a European viper. Just as I'm not truly a mongoose. I'm sure that...

[He pauses, distracted. He really wants to lunge forward and snap at the snake, but no. He's not going to succumb to the mongoose.]

Anyway. How does it feel? [Tilting his head.] Being a snake, that is. It must be quite an experience.

[ENVY. Rex has it.]

[fuckitybye]

[Malcolm coils a little more self-protectively; Rex's body language makes him a little nervous, although he can't consciously articulate why.]

Tell you what, I miss having arms and legs and fucking opposable thumbs. Reflexes are fucking brilliant, though.

[Pause.]

And the fangs.