fuckitybye: (fuckin' thinker)
fuckitybye ([personal profile] fuckitybye) wrote2010-06-11 08:39 am
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021 - malcolm is a maudlin drunk.

[Audio. Malcolm's Glaswegian accent has thickened considerably.]

What's the fucking point, yeah? Bein' a useless cunt out here in the fucking ... arse-end of the fucking universe, not a fucking friend in sight and your family gone and fucking ... superheroes and things'll rip your fucking throat out and ... this is supposed to help?

Fuck this cack-brained shit in the ear with a fucking screwdriver.

[Click. Audio off. He'll respond to anyone who feels like hassling him via journal, but some time later, anyone wandering up on deck will find Malcolm standing at the railing staring morosely off into the distance. In his left hand he clutches his useless Blackberry and this photograph. Feel free to come spam Malcolm and, if you dare, ask him about the photograph. Also, sorry for spamming with Malc posts this morning. Done now.]
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fuckitybye: (blistering contempt)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Dear Colonel Oversexby,

I thought you were dead of the fucking plague.

Sincerly,
Malcolm Tucker Not King Charles Fuck Off

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 04:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, but my majesty, I came back just to make sure you didn't go and lose your head.
fuckitybye: (i'm fucking talking to you)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Just fucking stop it, yeah? Just because I look like that fucking tosspot don't mean you can dump all your fucking issues with him in my lap.

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 04:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I do not have a siiiiiiiingle issue with him. Not at all.

I just happen to like him a couple of inches shorter.
fuckitybye: (o_O)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
...fucking Christ am I glad you're still in the fucking infirmary.

You are, aren't you?

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, depends if Martha'll let me out...

And I would not chop your head off, sir. Once is enough for a lifetime, I do believe.

No, sorry, correction. Twice.
fuckitybye: (o_O)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Twice? The fuck?

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 08:45 pm (UTC)(link)
One tyrant - that is you - arrested, another attempted to be assassinated.
fuckitybye: (bollocking face)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 09:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Will you not fucking get it through your thick fucking Puritan skull that I'm NOT YOUR FUCKING KING?

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
You are close enough, sir, and you were never my king.
fuckitybye: (self raising lazarus)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Fine, I'm not ANYONE's fucking king. Now fuck off and leave me alone already. See to your wife or something.

[identity profile] accountsettled.livejournal.com 2010-06-11 09:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I can see my wife. She's right here with me.
fuckitybye: (bollocking face)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-11 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Fantastic. Glad to fucking hear it. Have fun.
fuckitybye: (oh for fuck's sake)

[personal profile] fuckitybye 2010-06-12 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
... too much fucking information.

[And now he's ignoring you, Sexby.]
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