020

[fuckitybye]

[Text: Private to Sylar]
Your warden's one paranoid little prick. His fucking mouth is locked up tighter than a nun's knees in a sex club.


[Video: Inmate filter]
[The camera clicks on to show Malcolm at his desk, suited, hands folded, looking that usual odd mixture of almost-benign and distinctly-threatening that is his typical demeanour.]

Right. Think by now I've met most of you tossers, but in case we've not been properly fucking introduced, I'm Malcolm Tucker, former Director of Communications to the Prime Minister of the UK, now inmate on board the Satellite of Love.

So here's the thing, yeah? I deal in information. And there's a lot of it floating around here like turds in a fucking septic tank, but no one's treating the tank. I'm pretty sure there's no one fucking knows what's going on here one day to the next, warden or inmate. 'Cept maybe the Admiral, and that cunt's not talking.

[He leans forward slightly.]

I'd like to change that. And maybe turn it to our collective advantage, yeah?

I'm gonna start compiling shit. Stuff I pick up off the network, things I hear in the halls, all that shit. Summarise it, write it up in a weekly or biweekly post, just for us inmates.

'Course, I need your [he points at the camera] help for this. Much as I'd fucking love to be everywhere at once, I got born on one of the fucking boring worlds where there's no fucking superpowers. So, you got something for me? Send it my way. I'll file off names and serial numbers if you want, whatever.

Thing is, I think we could all fucking stand to know a lot more about what's going on here, yeah? And I'm gonna make it my personal fucking mission to keep you all informed.

[He smiles; it's one of those smiles that reaches his eyes about two seconds late. And then—click—end transmission.]


[OOC: So yeah. Those of you who were here for the Masterworld port may recall Malcolm's Daily Briefings. I'm not insane enough to want to do daily briefings forever, but I kind of miss writing those, and I'm quite serious about Malcolm doing a weekly or biweekly newsletter for the inmates. It will make him happier, give him something to do besides swear at the Kitchen Nightmares crew, and (hopefully!) provide him with a zillion opportunities to blackmail or double-cross people. He's got a tipster box here for people to drop news items in, so that you don't have to make a post every time you have an item for him to publish (and there'll be a link to the tipster box in every newsletter). Feel free to be suspicious of his motives, etc., but I'd really like him to have informants and allies! And in case you're wondering: yes, he is planning a double game and will eventually be approaching the wardens with a similar offer.]

Comments

Filter

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

And you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart, hm?

Re: Filter

[fuckitybye]

Course I am.

[No he's not.]

Actually, no, that's not fucking true. I'm doing it because I fucking hate not knowing shit. But I reckoned it'd also be better if I didn't hoard the information either.

Inmates

[possemagnet.livejournal.com]

You look a little old to be dealing in a barge version of the high school grape vine. What gives?

Re: Inmates

[fuckitybye]

What we got now already might as well be a fucking grapevine played by a pack of special-needs deaf-mutes. I'm proposing something professional.

private

[pleasesmirk.livejournal.com]

This seems... orderly enough in intent. I have a list of 'crimes' that people have committed and the punishment they have recieved. If that'd be any help. I'm attentive, if nothing else.

Re: private

[fuckitybye]

I'll take anything you got.

Swing's the name, yeah?

Private.

[no-nanomites.livejournal.com]

I think you need some acting lessons, darling. That smile took a little too long to touch your eyes.

It's interesting that you deal in information and we've never met.

Re: Private.

[fuckitybye]

Ooh, perceptive. Very nice, love.

Never met, but I've seen you around, yeah? Rex's sister?

[bob-fraser-snr.livejournal.com]

[Bob is at his own desk, looking reasonably relaxed and curious. There's no hint of suspicion on his face, which pretty much translates into 'highly suspicious'.] To what end, Malcolm?

[fuckitybye]

General good of the inmates, mostly.

Filter

[darknessb4me]

Won't last.

Re: Filter

[fuckitybye]

Fucking watch me, mate.

Private

[sonotahunter.livejournal.com]

Certainly, rumors and snippets when compiled can be useful--but what of those things we don't hear?

That is to say; I'd be interested in finding a way to provide the latter.

Private

[fuckitybye]

Colour me interested, love.

Got specific plans in mind, or just offering suggestions?

Inmate filter

[talldarksaviour.livejournal.com]

You don't need to pretend to be doing it for the greater good. None of us are in a position to throw stones.


[OOC: OMG The return of Malcolm's Daily Briefings! *Flails wildly with glee*]

Re: Inmate filter

[fuckitybye]

Hey, I don't mind admitting my original motives were pretty fucking selfish. But if I'm gonna do all that work, might as well make something of it.

Filter

[wandthief.livejournal.com]

This sounds like an invitation for people to become even more secretive here.

Re: Filter

[fuckitybye]

Only if you already got something to hide, I reckon.

Inmate Filter

[requiresssacrifice]

Well, I certainly look forward to tuning in.

Re: Inmate Filter

[fuckitybye]

Good man.

Filter

[amagicalmystery.livejournal.com]

Thrilling idea and all, but information's valuable currency. If we're gonna tell you things we already KNOW for the "greater good", what's in it for us?

Re: Filter

[fuckitybye]

Well, that at least partly depends on what you fucking want "in it", I reckon.

Filter.

[spo0kshow-baby.livejournal.com]

Not all vampires are affected by just the sun.

[ Baby winks. ] I'm Baby, by the way.

Re: Filter.

[fuckitybye]

...well, that's something. You a fucking specialist in that sort of thing?

Just "Baby"?

Private

[grayatonement]

You don't say.

Re: Private

[fuckitybye]

"Dangerous" and "morality is grey". About all I could squeeze out of the sod.

Private

[lostundercover]

I'm not great with that information thing, but you let me know if you need something specific and I'll try to help, alright?

Re: Private

[fuckitybye]

Good man. Costigan, yeah?

Inmate filter

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

That is without a doubt the worst idea that I have ever heard suggested in this place. Any inmate who wants to get onto their wardens good side just needs to convey cherry picked inmate related information from your convenient collection to the warden, thus spoiling the rest of our plans simply because you couldn't keep to yourself.

Unless of course, you're planning to get the jump on us by doing that yourself.

Re: Inmate filter

[fuckitybye]

Mate, it's more than my life's worth to fuck over anyone else in this place. I'd like to think anyone else with that kind of agenda in mind would realise that too.