001 - Voice

[fuckitybye]

[Prior to this, anyone near Malcom's room (level 7, room 5) will have heard him banging about in confusion for a bit; as his cabin looks like his office at No. 10, that's where he thinks he is. Then, in an attempt to page his assistant, he accidentally turns on the voice posting device and a loud Scottish voice is heard:]

—Sam? SAM? The fuck is up with putting a bed in here? This some kind of fucking joke? I can ream out that twat Nicholson just fine with him bent over my fucking desk, aye?

[Pause.]

Sam?

Oh, for fuck's sake—

[Sound of door opening. Long, stunned silence.]

What the fuck?

Comments

[Voice] (lol late comment is late ;_; backdate funs? )

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

I beg your pardon? Is everything all right?

Re: [Voice] (lol late comment is late ;_; backdate funs? )

[fuckitybye]

Do I fucking sound like I'm all right?

...who's this, then, Tristan Farnon?

[Voice] (LJ is a craven douche)

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

Tris- I'm sorry, who?

[Voice] ("craven douche". YES.)

[fuckitybye]

James Herriot's fucking sidekick, yeah? All Creatures Great and Small?

[Voice] (I'm also fond of "Son of a cunting fuck." 8D)

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

Er... sorry, but I think you've got the wrong man. I'm the Doctor. It's... a pleasure to meet you?

[Voice] (Malc approves!)

[fuckitybye]

Doctor? Doctor who?

Re: [Voice] (And Five's FINALLY done enough research to respond to this one!)

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

...Who's on first?

[Voice]

[fuckitybye]

...

Oh fucking come on, you don't think I'm going to fall for that shitpile routine.

[Voice]

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

While I wouldn't employ such a colourful vocabulary to that regard, yes. Exactly.

[Voice]

[fuckitybye]

This is the most uptight crowd of twats I've seen outside of fucking Barwick's office.

[Voice]

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

Why? Because I choose not to speak that way? How does that make me uptight?

[Voice]

[fuckitybye]

You even bloody sound like you're talking through your sphincter. Christ.

[Voice]

[a-bit-put-upon.livejournal.com]

You've not answered my question, which sort've negates any other remarks you might make 'til you do.