fuckitybye | 010 - Malcolm Tucker's Daily Briefing

[Malcolm looks unusually distracted when he comes on screen this morning. It's not immediately obvious, but the background is not his office at the Ministry; it's his home office. He's running late this morning but is determined to get the briefing out at its usual time.]

Right, so. One of the army officers has been murdered, presumably by the fucks from the Barge or the rebels, so redouble that "kill them all" messaging. Other than that—

[In the background, two small childrens' voices can be heard chanting: "We WANT to GO to the aREna! We WANT to GO to the aREna!"]

Fuck... Olivia? Olivia! Can you please—thank you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, other than that, everything remains as it was yesterday, and don't forget the fucking Arena Games tonight. Be. There. Right? Right. Stay on message, and—

["Daddy!"]

Just a minute—! Right, I'll be in the office in two convulsions of a hanged man. Tucker out.

[LATER: All the computers, monitors, TVs, etc. in Propaganda start beeping Red Alert, and Malcolm comes on screen, holding one of Kirk's awesome posters.]

See this fucking infantile piece of turd?

It needs to fucking go. Now.

We need fucking street teams, we need a new run of pro-government posters, and we need to make this shit fucking disappear. [He rips the poster in half, then half again, balls up the bits, and pitches them over his shoulder.]

DO IT. Or I'll rip your fucking legs off and feed them to you!

[And out. Of course, one imagines that no matter how hard the street team works, they'll never keep Kirk's poster down.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, such dedication to the job. You'll be looking at a pay raise as soon as this Barge business is taken care of, Minister.

Thank you, sir. Only trying to stick with your exacting standards.

[And then Malc just kicks back and quietly munches popcorn while Judas and the Master have their little budgeting contretemps.]

Edited 2010-04-15 17:45 (UTC)

You're quite welcome. I always reward those who are loyal to me.

You can count on me, sir.

We can't afford to give anyone raises, Master. We just found extra money for a new server.

No offense, Minister, you deserve one.

Then take it from the education budget. After all, Minister Tucker provides the public with all the knowledge they need.

Absolutely not. The education budget we have now is barely keeping schools open.

Very well. I'll have Minister Mahoney engineer another famine. Thin the herds, close another school, and look, Minister Tucker suddenly has a raise. Problem solved.

Or, you could scrimp and save and perhaps make a few sacrifices of your own to free up the necessary funds.

After all, you must reward people for their hard work, Judas.

No. No, you can't.

I'll give the Minister my salary.

Phew, I was afraid we were about to have another crisis on our hands.

I serve the people, not you.

Everybody serves me, and don't you forget it.

By the way, looking forward to your play.

It's a masterpiece, sir.

Good. Looking forward to it. I trust it will take everybody's minds off this nasty Barge matter.

Of course it will.

When is the Barge being taken care of? It's already been here for four days.

In time.

Seriously? I've been itching for round two, dude. Sir. ~~Dude-sir?~~

'Seriously,' my dear. Let's just make it look like an accident this time.

Fiiine. I'd like to take some credit for my work, but whatever.

Edited 2010-04-15 18:14 (UTC)

To: Minister Tucker
From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Subject: New Server

Body:

Between your cut of the coffee budget, and moving half of cold calls to sanitashun, we can afford a new server. But, if anything happens to it, we won't be able to service it until a few months from now.

To: Chief of Finance, Judas
From: Minister Tucker
Subject: RE: New Server

Body:

Much obliged, Judas. And don't worry, nothing's going to happen to the thing. Because anyone who fucks it up is going to have to answer to me, and I guarantee they don't fucking want that.

To: Minister Tucker
From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Subject: New Server and Raise

Body:

Good. Thank you for the assurance

You'll also find that you have a 40% increase to your salary this year in reward for your hard work.

To: Chief of Finance, Judas
From: Minister Tucker
Subject: RE: New Server and Raise

Body:

That's extraordinarily generous of you, Judas. Thank you.

To: Minister Tucker
From: Chief of Finance, Judas
Subject: New Server and Raise

Body:

Keep up the good work.

010 - Malcolm Tucker's Daily Briefing - Short briefing today

no subject

A little later, when he's finally gotten in.

AFTER BEATING JUDAS MASTERFULLY (lolol pun)

When this is over, Malc's going to be all "I WORKED FOR A DR WHO VILLAIN?! D:" for months.

no subject

He's planning on jumping ship, AND THUS SADDLING YOU WITH BURDENS

WHY YOU GOTTA DO DIS MASTER.

BECAUSE HE HATES HIS OWN KINGDOM :C

WHAT A JERK.

YOU LOVE IT, JUDAS.

JUDAS HATES YOU, MASTER. :|

But I thought we were friends, Judas :c

You've corrupted Iago. :[

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BLAME THE ALIEN.

LOL It's all Harry's fault. Obviously.

no subject

no subject

Private

Private

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject