fuckitybye

[Text: Private to Sylar]
Your warden's one paranoid little prick. His fucking mouth is locked up tighter than a nun's knees in a sex club.

[Video: Inmate filter]
[The camera clicks on to show Malcolm at his desk, suited, hands folded, looking that usual odd mixture of almost-benign and distinctly-threatening that is his typical demeanour.]

Right. Think by now I've met most of you tossers, but in case we've not been properly fucking introduced, I'm Malcolm Tucker, former Director of Communications to the Prime Minister of the UK, now inmate on board the Satellite of Love.

So here's the thing, yeah? I deal in information. And there's a lot of it floating around here like turds in a fucking septic tank, but no one's treating the tank. I'm pretty sure there's no one fucking knows what's going on here one day to the next, warden or inmate. 'Cept maybe the Admiral, and that cunt's not talking.

[He leans forward slightly.]

I'd like to change that. And maybe turn it to our collective advantage, yeah?

I'm gonna start compiling shit. Stuff I pick up off the network, things I hear in the halls, all that shit. Summarise it, write it up in a weekly or biweekly post, just for us inmates.

'Course, I need your [he points at the camera] help for this. Much as I'd fucking love to be everywhere at once, I got born on one of the fucking boring worlds where there's no fucking superpowers. So, you got something for me? Send it my way. I'll file off names and serial numbers if you want, whatever.

Thing is, I think we could all fucking stand to know a lot more about what's going on here, yeah? And I'm gonna make it my personal fucking mission to keep you all informed.

[He smiles; it's one of those smiles that reaches his eyes about two seconds late. And then—click—end transmission.]

[OOC: So yeah. Those of you who were here for the Masterworld port may recall Malcolm's Daily Briefings. I'm not insane enough to want to do daily briefings forever, but I kind of miss writing those, and I'm quite serious about Malcolm doing a weekly or biweekly newsletter for the inmates. It will make him happier, give him something to do besides swear at the Kitchen Nightmares crew, and (hopefully!) provide him with a zillion opportunities to blackmail or double-cross people. He's got a tipster box here for people to drop news items in, so that you don't have to make a post every time you have an item for him to publish (and there'll be a link to the tipster box in every newsletter). Feel free to be suspicious of his motives, etc., but I'd really like him to have informants and allies! And in case you're wondering: yes, he is planning a double game and will eventually be approaching the wardens with a similar offer.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Which is virtually everybody here, from what I've been told.

They keep telling me to keep more secrets and stop being so open.

Thrilling idea and all, but information's valuable currency. If we're gonna tell you things we already KNOW for the "greater good", what's in it for us?

Not all vampires are affected by just the sun.

[ Baby winks. ] I'm Baby, by the way.

You don't say.

I'm not great with that information thing, but you let me know if you need something specific and I'll try to help, alright?

That is without a doubt the worst idea that I have ever heard suggested in this place. Any inmate who wants to get onto their wardens good side just needs to convey cherry picked inmate related information from your convenient collection to the warden, thus spoiling the rest of our plans simply because you couldn't keep to yourself.

Unless of course, you're planning to get the jump on us by doing that yourself.

Hmm. Of course there's no way of knowing if what you put in is actually the truth, since you're the only one who sees the originals, you can pick and choose. You were a spin-doctor after all.

Want to be a fact-checker, then?

Mate, it's more than my life's worth to fuck over anyone else in this place. I'd like to think anyone else with that kind of agenda in mind would realise that too.

Good man. Costigan, yeah?

"Dangerous" and "morality is grey". About all I could squeeze out of the sod.

...well, that's something. You a fucking specialist in that sort of thing?

Just "Baby"?

Well, that at least partly depends on what you fucking want "in it", I reckon.

We talking secrets or privacy? There's a fucking difference.

Edited 2010-06-09 14:25 (UTC)

Sure, why not? I'm not... affiliated.

Brilliant! That's the spirit. Glad to have you aboard.

Pleasure's all mine.

What do you want to know about Claire?

What's the story with you and her, then?

We're from the same world. I killed, she can't die. I hunted her, cut her head open while she was alive.. but we were always connected. Her father hunted me, I killed her biological father.. It's complicated.

She's from a farther timeline than I am. She claims that, in our future, I kissed her and told her I needed her to become normal, to move on. I don't know why I would. I have kissed her though, here on the Barge. She's not half bad.

Right.

[Malcolm's sitting hard on a quasi-paternal reaction of "keep your hands off her" and "I don't wanna hear about anyone kissing her".]

The fuck did you hunt her for? Her powers? Which she's told me about, by the way.

Hell no, just been here to goddamn long and been to too many fucking Ports.

Baby Firefly. Only special people get the birth name, Tucky.

Do me a favour, sweetheart? Don't ever fucking call me that again, yeah?

[ There's mostly just cackling, that ever infamous Baby laugh. ]

Yeeaaah. I'll try and remember that, pumpkin.

Originally, yes. Then her father, her uncle.

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Inmate filter - guess what, Damon? You're Malc's new Jamie.

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