001 - Voice

[fuckitybye]

[Prior to this, anyone near Malcom's room (level 7, room 5) will have heard him banging about in confusion for a bit; as his cabin looks like his office at No. 10, that's where he thinks he is. Then, in an attempt to page his assistant, he accidentally turns on the voice posting device and a loud Scottish voice is heard:]

—Sam? SAM? The fuck is up with putting a bed in here? This some kind of fucking joke? I can ream out that twat Nicholson just fine with him bent over my fucking desk, aye?

[Pause.]

Sam?

Oh, for fuck's sake—

[Sound of door opening. Long, stunned silence.]

What the fuck?

Comments

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

Yes, I noticed.

I should probably let you know about floods, if you haven't been told already. Sometimes the Barge...the Admiral calls it 'taking on water', but that's not really accurate. The Barge and the people on board sometimes take on aspects of the worlds we pass.

[fuckitybye]

What the fuck does that even mean, "take on aspects"? Turning green or something?

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

As a more tame example, last week most of us switched sex. We've also had instances of becoming our complete opposites personality-wise, and I heard about a flood where people's worst fears started to materialise in their cabins.

And one of the Inmates is green, all the ti

[fuckitybye]

Oh, fan-fucking-tastic. This whole pleasure cruise just keeps sounding better and better.

Private

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

I'd warn you about the...nature of some of your crewmates, as well, but I see you've already met Mr. Scott.

Private

[fuckitybye]

That kind of shit common? I didn't think the afterlife would be populated by the contents of my television.

Re: Private

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

Off the top of my head: most of the central cast of Star Trek, Irene Adler from Sherlock Holmes, at least two people from the Batman franchise, Edward Sexby but not strictly the historical version, the Marquis de Sade (again, heavily reimagined), Snape, Draco and Grindelwald from the Harry Potter books, O'Brien from 1984, Elizabeth Bennet, Princess Leia...I could go on.

So, common? Extremely. I think the rule is that for everyone here, there is at least someone who'll consider them fictional.

Re: Private

[fuckitybye]

So do these people know about all that, then, or is talking about it like asking about the results of their last prostate exam? Or pap smear, as the case may be.

Private

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

I think in most cases, after you've been here for a while, you get the sense that somebody somewhere has seen you on TV or something. Confronting someone with the fact that they're 'not real' seems pointless; here and now they're as real as you are.

Private

[fuckitybye]

Right. Not like saying, "you're fucking fictional, you twat" is going to make 'em disappear, is it.

What'd you say your name was again?

Private

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

Toshiko Sato, formerly of the Torchwood Institute.

...and if you've heard of it then yes, I've already had the existential crisis.

Private

[fuckitybye]

Fucking Torchwood. Right, that made it on the zeitgeist tapes last July.

Private

[hopeless-hacker.livejournal.com]

'Zeitgeist tapes'. Let me guess, a...highlights reel of current pop culture?

Private

[fuckitybye]

Ha, you're good. Reckon I'm not surprised. Yeah, got to keep the PM and the ministers briefed on all the shit outside Whitehall or they'd still be banging on about fucking Take That.