Jun. 8th, 2010 10:33 am
fuckitybye: (malcolm tucker is watching you)
[personal profile] fuckitybye
[Text: Private to Sylar]
Your warden's one paranoid little prick. His fucking mouth is locked up tighter than a nun's knees in a sex club.

[Video: Inmate filter]
[The camera clicks on to show Malcolm at his desk, suited, hands folded, looking that usual odd mixture of almost-benign and distinctly-threatening that is his typical demeanour.]

Right. Think by now I've met most of you tossers, but in case we've not been properly fucking introduced, I'm Malcolm Tucker, former Director of Communications to the Prime Minister of the UK, now inmate on board the Satellite of Love.

So here's the thing, yeah? I deal in information. And there's a lot of it floating around here like turds in a fucking septic tank, but no one's treating the tank. I'm pretty sure there's no one fucking knows what's going on here one day to the next, warden or inmate. 'Cept maybe the Admiral, and that cunt's not talking.

[He leans forward slightly.]

I'd like to change that. And maybe turn it to our collective advantage, yeah?

I'm gonna start compiling shit. Stuff I pick up off the network, things I hear in the halls, all that shit. Summarise it, write it up in a weekly or biweekly post, just for us inmates.

'Course, I need your [he points at the camera] help for this. Much as I'd fucking love to be everywhere at once, I got born on one of the fucking boring worlds where there's no fucking superpowers. So, you got something for me? Send it my way. I'll file off names and serial numbers if you want, whatever.

Thing is, I think we could all fucking stand to know a lot more about what's going on here, yeah? And I'm gonna make it my personal fucking mission to keep you all informed.

[He smiles; it's one of those smiles that reaches his eyes about two seconds late. And then—click—end transmission.]

[OOC: So yeah. Those of you who were here for the Masterworld port may recall Malcolm's Daily Briefings. I'm not insane enough to want to do daily briefings forever, but I kind of miss writing those, and I'm quite serious about Malcolm doing a weekly or biweekly newsletter for the inmates. It will make him happier, give him something to do besides swear at the Kitchen Nightmares crew, and (hopefully!) provide him with a zillion opportunities to blackmail or double-cross people. He's got a tipster box here for people to drop news items in, so that you don't have to make a post every time you have an item for him to publish (and there'll be a link to the tipster box in every newsletter). Feel free to be suspicious of his motives, etc., but I'd really like him to have informants and allies! And in case you're wondering: yes, he is planning a double game and will eventually be approaching the wardens with a similar offer.]
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